The turmoil of adulthood 

I haven’t posted in a while since losing my auntie to cancer. I always mean to write something and let out my emotions but something always gets in the way. I’ve recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years and it’s safe to say I’ve truly experienced heartbreak now. Break ups hurt. Love fucking hurts. Not being able to let go of all the feelings you held for that one person is the worst thing ever. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving him. 

People say he’s a dick it’ll be fine etc etc but no he was there when I tried to kill myself he stayed by my side the entire night in hospital he held my hand and told me everything would be okay and I truly believed him. Now he’s gone it doesn’t feel like it ever will be. If I was well enough to carry the child we conceived he would’ve been the father but I wasn’t and I hate myself for that. He was there through everything, the self harm the suicide attempts, the abortion. It just doesn’t feel right that it’s done with. Over. Forever. Gone. 

I am what they call broken.